Starting Over

Hi there, spanking fiction enthusiasts. I'm here to tell you that Something Really Bad happened to me recently, and I have changed a great deal. I'm taking to my blog because I need an outlet, and this is both intensely personal and at the same time more or less anonymous... or at least anonymous for my needs.

The Something Bad has made me rethink life in general and my own life in particular. It dawned on me (like a brick falling out of the sky and landing directly on my head) that being vulnerable can be rewarding.

Up until now I have kept my online presense more or less hiding behind my fiction. That's not really fair, actually, because my fiction is a very personal expression of my authentic self. My sexuality is central to who I am, and I write what turns me on, almost without exception. I don't necessarily write about things I would want to experience in reality, but some things are very pleasurable to enjoy in your head through fictional characters who suffer no repercussions (unless I hand them out!).

I have to wonder sometimes if everyone's sexuality is as closely tied to their person as mine is. It must be why I don't feel exceptionally close to very many people. I don't know if I have shared my entire self with anyone in my life. I'm not what you'd call a trusting person.

You can't even really expose yourself online. I mean, here I am and here are my thoughts and fantasies. But if I met you on a newsgroup, I couldn't just tackle you with my full on personality.

What do you do? I write spanking fiction. You might have seen my work floating around. My name is Jennie May.

Oh... Jennie May. Yikes. You write ageplay. That's scary. You write Christian Domestic Discipline stories. That makes me think you are in favor of nutjob EEE-vangelicals being beaten because they think God wants it that way. By the way, do you know the Duggars?

I also write ageplay with intense sexuality. Many people are quickly squicked by that type of thing and may even be rather judgemental toward my precious "little" characters regarding their wants and needs. I sometimes write what the Real World would certain consider rape or spousal abuse.

I can't just spill that to someone, even a fellow spanko.

I'm lonely.

Me, me, me. I know. Well, it's my blog.

Spanking. Is that better?

My spanking fetish is mixed up in just about everything in my inner world, soul, spirit. My physical world gets by okay without it (although due to circumstances beyond my control I've been living without the physical act, and I can tell you with all authority that it sucks), but it's all wrapped up in my emotional life, my heart, my sense of safety... everything.

That's so crazy. Am I crazy? I mean, maybe the answer is yes, but it's okay. I'm back to me again.

I am rarely attracted to a man by the way he looks. I am attracted to his demeanor, to the way he takes control of a conversation or situation. I am attracted to the way someone scolds or teases me. The guy at the convenience store counter can tell me in an authoritative tone to drive carefully, and I get all tingly.

One time. One time I was in a really bad mood and I happened to throw some trash out my car window. (In my defense this is something I NEVER do... really. I am very environmentally friendly and pro clean neighboorheads. It's just that this one day I was feeling all rebellious and out of sorts). So I tossed the trash, and then I happened to look in my rearview mirror. There was a man at the wheel of a black SUV, and he was giving a look that sent shivers up and down my spine. I'm not sure how I managed to keep control of the car. We stopped for a red light, and I glanced at him in the mirror again. He looked straight into (the reflection of) my eyes and pulled out a police badge which he placed against his windshield.

I'm sure that police officer was not trying to turn me on. He was probably thinking that he would scare that awful litterbug and make her never toss a piece of trash out the window again. He was certainly not thinking that the young lady in front of him needed to be spanked by a protective but caring authority figure so she would learn to make better choices... But it's been almost 10 years since that happened, and I'm still tingling at the memory.

I love the way men move. I recently read an old blog post about the power of a rolled up sleeve. Yes. Look me in the eye, and roll up your sleeves. Oh my goodness.

If you're going to kiss me, back me up to a wall. If we're out together, posessively take my hand and lead me.

I like the way that men take up space with their bodies. Women tend to draw themselves up, pull themselves in. But men separate their knees and let their arms spread naturally. (I know it's awful but I am completely turned off when a man crosses his legs with one knee over the other. For heaven's sake, don't do that. Make the little square with your legs if you need to cross them, but keep your knees away from each other.)

I knew this would feel good.

The Relationship Between Anal Discipline and Spanking

Is an interest in anal play a natural progression from an interest in spanking? I have always been a spanko, but my interest in anal discipline seemed to develop from that. I started with something as innocuous as something typically considered a punishment for children and opened up to more and more sexual themes in that area.

Not everyone does that, and I think that's interesting. Some people who get turned on by the idea of spanking have no interest in anal whatsoever. And still others like the idea of anal but are not interested at all in trying it for themselves. (Or maybe they just haven't been with a partner they can trust).

The Church of the Illuminated series was a little bit scary for me to write because it was the first time I had characters really participate in anal sex as punishment or discipline. I have had other characters, like Jack and Meggie, have some pretty rough anal encounters, but those situations took place under a previous agreement between the two characters that this type of thing was going to be part of their relationship.

I felt safe in writing on this topic in the context of this crazy, fictional church because it was so far removed from reality. Even that has made some readers uncomfortable. Taking that anal discipline to another level, presenting it as semi non-consensual between two contemporary adults in the modern world would be pushing the boundaries. Wouldn't it?

A Jack & Meggie Blast from the Past

It all started with Jack and Meggie. They had been running around in my imagination for years, and one night I finally brought them to life on my laptop. 

Jack and Meggie are special because they represent a leap into a fantasy world that was a little bit scary and incredibly sensual. It pushed some boundaries, and I wasn't sure how it would be received. It had a bit of the daddy and daughter element, a lot of anal play as well as what I considered a romantic backdrop.

Here's an excerpt from the very first Jack and Meggie story. Get all three of the first Jack & Meggie books here. 

...........................................

Meggie glanced sideways at Jack before placing her slender index finger on the metal button beside her. She listened to the whirring sound as the car window slid down. Getting no response from her husband, Meggie shot her arm out into the highway breeze. She cupped her hand and let it ride the waves of wind as the car sped through the bright afternoon.

            “Meaghan?”

            She didn’t look at him. “Mm?”

            “I’m allowing you to ride up front because you said you wanted to be a big girl until we got to the cabin. Is that still true?”

            Meggie bit her lower lip. It was certainly true she had said that, but the reality was that these weekends away with Jack had the instant effect of bringing out the child inside. She didn’t have the words to explain this to Jack, so she curled a finger around one strand of auburn hair and said, “I dunno.”

            “Uh huh.” Jack knew. “Put your hand back inside the car and behave yourself.”

            Ever so slowly, Meggie drew back her arm. When every part of her was safely inside, Meggie watched the window rise and heard the click of the child safety locks.

            “But I wanted fresh air,” she complained.

            “The AC’s on,” Jack told her. “Listen to your IPod.”

            Meggie rejected Jack’s suggestion with a huff. Instead she stared out the window at the passing trees. Each mile that went by included fewer and fewer cars. Jack and Meggie had been spending occasional weekends in this remote, rural area for the past year. They loved the privacy of the little cabin, overlooking a lake far from any other visitors. They also loved the small town nearby where they could stop to buy groceries and supplies. Most of all, they loved that the people here thought that Meggie was Jack’s daughter.

            Meggie was significantly younger than Jack. She was also barely five feet tall and small boned. In the right clothes, she could pass for ten. The residents of Bear Lake thought that she was thirteen. In truth, there was a part of her heart even younger than that.

            “I’m bored,” Meggie announced. She kicked off her white sneakers and placed her feet on the dashboard, toes wiggling inside crisp socks.

            Jack sighed. “You’re starting this already?”

            “Starting what?” Meggie turned to him with innocent green eyes.

            “Feet on the floor,” Jack commanded.

            Meggie whined. “But I’m comfortable. Besides, my feet aren’t smelly. They’re clean and fresh.” Meggie waggled one sock-covered foot in Jack’s face.

            Jack immediately pulled the car over to the side of the road, and Meggie’s heart began to flutter. “Sorry Jack,” she stammered, dropping her feet with a thud. “I was just showing you…”

            With the engine turned off, Jack fixed his eyes on his wife’s. “Let’s talk about the rules.”

            Meggie made a face.

            “There will be no backtalk or disobedience on this trip. Do I make myself clear?”

            Dutifully, Meggie nodded.

            Jack leaned closer, and Meggie recognized that unique blend of playful but serious sternness in his chocolate brown eyes. She let herself shiver. Jack’s voice was soft and low. “Do you need to be reminded? I think you do.”

Meggie’s eyes grew wide, and she shook her head slowly. “Nooo…”

            But Jack was already getting out of the car. He opened the door on the passenger side, and she placed her feet on the rocky gravel. She looked up at Jack and felt her teeth begin to chew her lower lip.

            “Turn around,” Jack said sternly. “Hands on the seat.”

            Meggie turned toward the front seat, framed by the open door. She put her hands down as directed, and her bottom stuck out towards Jack.

            Jack smiled and then stepped back a moment to admire the view. She looked cute in this position, young and vulnerable. She wore red cotton pants and a pink t-shirt featuring a large daisy right in the middle. It was the pants that caught his attention. The fabric pulled tight as she bent over, outlining her little bottom. He reached out and gave it a pat. Then in one swift motion, he pulled the pants down to her knees.

            Meggie squealed in protest, but she remained in position. Her panties were pink with little white flowers. Jack gave them a firm smack, and Meggie lurched forward. He followed with three more sharp cracks.

            “Stop,” Meggie whined. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

            Jack’s answer was a series of quick spanks right across the middle of Meggie’s bottom. She writhed back and forth, her bottom swinging into the air.

            The spanks didn’t hurt really, but they left behind a sting. Meggie knew that the real discipline was being bared out in the middle of a country road where anyone could drive by and see her being spanked like a child.

            When Jack pulled her panties down, Meggie wailed.

            “Hush,” Jack demanded, swatting her a little harder. “This is a reminder, and you tend to remember better when your bottom is bare.”

            He continued the spanking until both cheeks were a rosy pink and Meggie was sniffing from the indignity of it all.

            “Stay there,” Jack told her.

            Meggie listened to his feet on the road as he walked back to the driver’s side of the car. “Where are you going?”

Jack didn’t answer her. When he returned, he gave her bottom another pat. Then he said, “We’re going to make sure this reminder lasts.”

Meggie craned her neck to see what Jack was holding. When she saw her own small purple butt plug she began to whine. “Daddy, please. Please, no. I’ll be good.”

“It’s another hour into town,” Jack told her, “and a plug for your bottom will be the perfect incentive for good behavior.” He regarded her hunched form. “Stick it out.”

Meggie sighed loudly. And then she obeyed. She knew it would only get worse if she didn’t. She burned with embarrassment when Jack separated her cheeks, inviting the cool air into her most intimate places. Jack had coated the plug with lube, and it was slippery against her bottom hole.

“Relax, Meggie,” Jack ordered. “This is only going to hurt if you make it hurt.”

Meggie took a deep breath and then let it out again, willing herself to relax. Tears began to well in her eyes as she regarded her situation.

Jack secured the small plug with no trouble, and Meggie could feel its flat top against her bottom. “And now you’ll get some spanks to drive the point home, so to speak.”

Meggie groaned loudly, and Jack finished with five hard swats that left Meggie sniffling. “Pull up your pants now and get back in the car.”

The rest of the ride was somewhat uncomfortable. Meggie knew from experience that she could forget the plug when she was holding still, but she felt it push against her bottom each time the car bounced. Jack grinned at Meggie’s occasional intake of breath. He knew that the reminder was doing its job.

After what seemed like a very long time to Meggie, the car entered a small town. Meggie looked out the window with glee. She loved this place with its quaint storefronts and friendly, old-fashioned occupants. Jack pulled up in front of the small grocery store, and they got out of the car.

            A bell jingled as Jack opened the door for Meggie. The store smelled like a mixture of tobacco and peppermint.

            “Well hello there,” said the man behind the counter. “Back in town already?”

            Jack shook the man’s hand. “Hello, Frank.”

            Frank peered at Meggie through his glasses and smiled. “You’re growing up just fine, Miss Meggie. Your Daddy’s going to have to chase all the boys away before too long.”

            Meggie smiled prettily at the compliment. Jack said, “That’s a long way off.”

            Frank grinned. “She’s growing up. You’ll have to face it.”

            Jack just shook his head. “Meggie’s a great kid, but she’s not quite ready for boys. In fact, I just had to pull over and spank her little bottom as we were driving up.”

            “Daddy!” Meggie shrieked. She felt her face grow red.

            Frank just chuckled. “One day you’ll thank your Daddy for raising you right, Meggie.”

            Meggie was too embarrassed to look at the grocer. Jack came to her rescue. “How about a treat, Meggie? Why don’t you go pick out some candy?”

            Relieved, Meggie shuffled away to find her favorite. She liked the tiny pieces of licorice with pink and white candy shells. Indignant, she decided she deserved two boxes.

            Jack didn’t say anything about the extra candy. He simply paid for the groceries and said goodbye to Frank. “Tell Mr. Chase goodbye, Meggie.”

            “Goodbye Mr. Chase,” Meggie mumbled, not making eye contact. As she followed Jack out of the store, she whispered angrily, “I can’t believe you told him that.”

            Jack raised his eyebrows and then smacked her on the bottom. “I could have told him about your plug, you know.”

            Meggie looked around to see if anyone was watching, but there was no one around. She relaxed a little, knowing that Jack was right. This was going to be a good weekend.

Meet Dr. Cora in the World of Medical Age Play

Life changes so quickly and sometimes it's just impossible for a girl to keep up! I wanted to let you know about a new direction I'm taking in my fiction. It's still ageplay, but I'm taking it a step further.

These new stories are published by Blushing Books. Check out Dr. Cora's Clinic, an age play novel about a medical clinic that exclusively serves the age play community.

Dr. Cora was so much fun to write because it allowed me to combine the fun of age play with a little bit of a medical kink. You'll find spanking in this one, and you'll certainly see some pretty extreme anal play as well as medical stuff like injections.

I hope you'll check it out.